Friday, March 28, 2008 - 07:59
MORE LAUGH HERE
HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII GUYS I GUT MORE JOKES HERE . SO CHEK EM OUT 
In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called 'Nob'. - So that's the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car because it's too heavy.
I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.
What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!!
Q: Why do woman get their belly buttons pierced?
A: So they have a place to hang a air freshener!
Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
Q:What is the difference between a huband and a boyfriend?
A:About 45 minutes !!
How can you tell a blonde is having a bad day?
When she has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pencil
I wish Martians would conquer the earth and make us their pets, I could really use a new flea leash. The one my wife uses is getting pretty darn short.
I once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous sentence." It didn't sell very well. I thought with the short attention span of people these days it may have been too long, so I rewrote it. The 2nd edition went: "To keep an idiot busy for hours, re-read this sentence." It's doing pretty good. I have a deal for the sequel. The 3rd edition is going to go: "Re-read this line." Now, if I could just find the time to write it.
I have to admit it, Jensen had offered a brilliant proposal to resolve our troublesome problem. He suggested we form three committees, one to study the problem directly, one to study how other companies had resolved similar problems, and a third to oversee the first two and coordinate their efforts into a workable solution. The plan worked flawlessly and we assigned the janitor to change the lightbulb
Frank Sinatra, "Old Blue Eyes," has died... Frank will now be known as "Old Closed Eyes."
Experts say that although Frank Sinatra is dead, his act is still 150% more entertaining than Frank Sinatra Jr.'s.
While in Birmingham, England, President Clinton saluted Frank Sinatra, saying the singer and entertainer "really did do it his way''...
This new drug Viagra takes the concept of recreational drugs to a whole new level, doesn't it?
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor."Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
What weighs eight pounds and won't be plucked next Christmas?
John Denver's Guitar.
Last winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee' called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told me, "Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest ofour lives making each other sick!"
WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
What is the difference between a whore, a nimpho, and a blonde?
The whore says, "Aren't you done yet?" , The nimpho says, "Are you done ALREADY?" And the blonde says, "Beige. I think I'll paint the celling beige..."
What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1987 World Hide and Seek Champion.
One day, the Captain of the 40-oared royal barge goes down to speak to the slaves in the hold of his ship. "Men, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, the Queen will be joining us today for a trip up the Nile." The men cheered and rattled their chains. "The bad news is, she wants to go water skiing."
Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.
Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
Two friends meet each other on the street. "hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill. "Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law" replied Sid. "I'm so sorry!" said Bill, "But why is your face schratched all over?". "It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a hell of a fight!"
When you ask a housewife, accountant, and lawyer what 2+2 is, what do they give you?
The housewife says "Four." The accountant says "It's either three or four, let me run it through my spreadsheet again." The lawyer closes the shutters, turns down the lights, and whispers "What do you want it to be?"
Why did the blonde crash her plane when landing?
"The runway was only 25ft long, but a mile wide"
Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?
Scared the hell out of the dog.
Why was Phillip's girlfreind dissapointed?
Because she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a television.
What's the dofferemce between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A Golden Retriever.
What did the impatient helicopter say to its clumsy mechanic?
"Chop chop."
I HOPE U LIKE IT:)
Replies for this Forum Topic
haha i luuuv the language one!
--
once upon a time there was a girl named Summer. one day, this being when she was 12 years old, she came home from school, ran up to her room, opened the door and saw the most beautiful thing. the new BaCkStReEt BoYs c.d. "NeVeR gOnE."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A person who speaks two languages is bilingual...A person who speaks three languages is trilingual...A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.
What is a person who speaks one language?
An American.
Submitted by H. Terrell
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
Submitted by Anonymous
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Submitted by: Monirul Hassan
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
Submitted by: Submitted by: Tshifhiwa Rambau
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
Submitted by: Michael Trew Man: How can you tell if a man is happy?
Woman : Who cares?!
ha ha ha thanx guys
& i got for u more jokes to:
Why do we park our car in the driveway and drive our car on the parkway?
Submitted by Rex Karz in Seattle
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of?
Submitted by r.d.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Submitted by Shahirah
Comment Probably too difficult for most ESL students.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! i LOVED the pregnant blonde joke!!!!!
--
sorry this has absolutely nothing to do with the bsb...
I LOV LIFEHOUSE!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFzUB_tX-Io
funny! i like the pregnant one!
--
once upon a time there was a girl named Summer. one day, this being when she was 12 years old, she came home from school, ran up to her room, opened the door and saw the most beautiful thing. the new BaCkStReEt BoYs c.d. "NeVeR gOnE."
great as always especially Bigfoot!!!!!!
--
~ Check this out http://www.esnips.com/web/kamran-MyMusic ~
as long as there'll be music they'll be coming back agaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin
how i was now??
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday?
Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicapped spots.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde?
There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot
Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why are blondes only allowed 30 minute lunch breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them if they take an hour.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant.
Is it mine?
though all d new ones wer really gud but Sportsnut u made me lmao.....it was like a gripping story with a great climax
kudos!!!
--
-as long as there'll be music they'll be coming back agaiiiiiiiiiiiiin-
any time sweetgulo
ha ha ha.. u too funny
I love your jokes it makes me laugh when I am so tired of my work. Thanks
HA HA HA!!! =D
I love your jokes guys
i have a new joke
2 drunks watching the news,
1 drunk: why the news its too long today??!
2 drunk: maybe becaus its the last loop.
this one time i was at Bible summer camp, and my cabin mates were just talking. them my councellor asked me if i knew if gullable was in the dictionary, and i told her i didnt know. then she told me it wasnt in the dictionary, and i believed her.............
wait it gets better. i have more stupid stories.....
once someone told me that "gullable" had 3 l's in it, and i was like, "no theres not". and the person was all, "yes it does". then i got heated and i told her very firmly that gullable DID NOT have 3 l's in it...... but gullable does have 3 l 's...............
ok here's 1 more....
one time my friend and i were walking on the playground in elementary school, and out of nowhere she goes, "stephanie! theres a dead bird in the sky!" and i looked....... (dead birds dont fly)
anyways, thats how blonde i am......
--
stephanie
There was a nice lady, a minister's widow, who was a little old fashioned. She was planning a week's vacation at a popular campground. But she wanted to make sure of the accommodations first. Uppermost in her mind were bathroom facilities, but she couldn't bring herself to write "toilet" in a letter. After considerable deliberation, she settled on "bathroom commode," but when she wrote that down, it still sounded too forward, so, after the first page of her letter, she referred to the bathroom commode as "BC."
"Does the cabin where I will be staying have its own 'BC'? If not, where is the 'BC' located?" is what she actually wrote.
The campground owner took the first page of the letter and the lady's check and gave it to his secretary. He put the remainder of the letter on the desk of the senior member of his staff without noticing that the staffer would have no way of knowing what "BC" meant. Then the owner went off to town to run some errands.
The staff member came in after lunch, found the letter, and was baffled by the euphemism, so he showed the letter around to several counselors, but they couldn't decipher it either. The staff member's wife, who knew that the lady was the widow of a famous Baptist preacher, was sure that it must be a question about the local Baptist Church. "Of course," the first staffer exclaimed, "'BC' stands for 'Baptist Church.' " And he sat down and wrote:
Dear Madam,
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure in informing you that the BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late.
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the 'BC.'
I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.
If you decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time, sit with you, and introduce you to all the folks. Remember, this is a friendly community."
--
Starfield - April 29
Dream Theater - May 9
Megadeth & In Flames - May 12
Pillar, Skillet, Thousand Foot Krutch & Newsboys - May 23-25
Killswitch Engage - May 26
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - August 12
i have a stupid dumb blonde joke or two....
why did the blonde get fired from the mnm factory?
cuz she threw away all the w's!!!!!
how do you confuse a blonde?
put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner!!!
--
stephanie
ha ha ha.. u too funny
but any way i will waiting 4 u
ummm...okay...but i can't think of any at the moment! so just wait, please!
--
once upon a time there was a girl named Summer. one day, this being when she was 12 years old, she came home from school, ran up to her room, opened the door and saw the most beautiful thing. the new BaCkStReEt BoYs c.d. "NeVeR gOnE."
ha ha ha i love it ha ha ha
yeah singerbabe3 now u have a funny joke here
so right more 4 us
im waiting...
thanks! hehe i luuuv the bumper sticker ones and the cowboy one! they are my favorite...i also thought the blonde one was hilarious!
--
once upon a time there was a girl named Summer. one day, this being when she was 12 years old, she came home from school, ran up to her room, opened the door and saw the most beautiful thing. the new BaCkStReEt BoYs c.d. "NeVeR gOnE."
lol singerbabe i love blonde jokes! i think they are soooooo funny, even though i am blonde.......... and i like the bumpersticker ones too. those were funny!
--
stephanie
wow Summer dey wer equally gud specially d cowboy one.lol!
--
-as long as there'll be music they'll be coming back agaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin-
i have some jokes too:
~a cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. unfortunatly the locals had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. when the cowboy finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. he when back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. no one answered. "alright, im gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time i finish, im gonna do what i dun in Texas! and i dont' like to do what i have dun in Texas!" some of the locals shifted restlessly. the man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse had been returned to the post. he saddled up and started to ride out of town. the bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "say partner, before you go...what happend in Texas?" the cowboy turned around and said, "i had to walk home."
~a blonde suspects her boyfrined cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. she goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. well, the blonde is really angry. she opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. she takes the gun and puts it to her head. the boyfriend yells, "no, honey, don't do it!" the blonde replies, "shut up! you're next!"
and here are a few phrases to put on bumper stickers:
~your kid may be an honor student, but ur still an IDIOT!
~clear the road I AM SIXTEEN!
~i'm just driving this way to piss u off
~if you can read this, i can slam my brakes and sue you
~horn broken - watch for finger
~help! i farted and can't roll down my windows!
and here r some funny phrases:
~what if the whole world farted at the same time?
~you have the right to remain silent. anything you say will be misqouted and used against u.
~if walking is good for you, then why does my mailman look like jaba the hut?
~when there's a will, i want to be in it!
HOPE U LIKE THEM!
--
once upon a time there was a girl named Summer. one day, this being when she was 12 years old, she came home from school, ran up to her room, opened the door and saw the most beautiful thing. the new BaCkStReEt BoYs c.d. "NeVeR gOnE."
haha funny! i luv it!
kay so i have a blonde joke.
a blonde was leaving to England. while driving, a sign said "airport left" so the blonde turned around and went home.
--
once upon a time there was a girl named Summer. one day, this being when she was 12 years old, she came home from school, ran up to her room, opened the door and saw the most beautiful thing. the new BaCkStReEt BoYs c.d. "NeVeR gOnE."
thaaaaaaax guys
HAHAHA!!!!
those were almost better thn the last ones! 
--
stephanie
what a relief Beach Lass.thnx again.
d wait was simply worth it!!!
--
-as long as there'll be music they'll be coming back agaiiiiiiiiiiin-